Dr. Gordon Neufeld's Power to Parent I, The Vital Connection

8 presentations along with 8 Q&A sessions

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In the first volume of this three-part series, Dr. Neufeld focuses on the child-adult relationship as the context for raising children. Parents and professional learn how this relationship is meant to develop, what can go wrong, why peers must not matter more than parents, the true meaning of shyness, how to cultivate a context of connection, how to win back one's child if need be, how to preserve the connection, and more. Parents and professionals also learn about the kinds of interactions and discipline that erode the relationship and effective alternatives that are attachment-safe. 


Session 1: Why Children Need to be in Right Relationship to the Adults Responsible for Them
- what makes a child easy to parent
- how a child`s attachment empowers a parent
- the pitfalls of parenting without sufficient power
- the difference between power that is natural and force that is contrived

Session 2: How a Child`s Relationship to the Parent is Meant to Develop
- how the capacity for relationship is meant to develop
- what keeps a child from developing a deep relationship to a parent
- what causes a child to back out of attachment: the problem of defensive detachment
- why time-outs and the silent treatment can backfire
- how to address separation problems in children

Session 3: How to Harness the Power of Attachment
- how to create a context of connection
- why we need to connect before we direct
- why we need to back out of the incidents and into the relationship
- how to get an alpha child to relinquish control

Session 4: How to Keep From Losing a Child to Competing Attachments
- incompatibility and the dark energy of attachment
- what causes attachments to be incompatible
- why attachment incompatibility is escalating
- the true meaning of shyness and why it needs to be respected
- how to create a working village of attachment
- how to recognize a competing attachment
- how to defuse attachment incompatibility
- how to keep from being replaced

Session 5: How to Preserve (or Restore) the Ties that Empower
- assume responsibility for fulfilling a child`s attachment hunger
- take responsibility for the relationship
- use structure & ritual to cultivate connection and protect the relationship
- refrain from using discipline that divides
- soften a child`s heart in order to deepen the attachment and correct dominance problems
- reclaim a child if necessary

Session 6: How to Deal with Aggression Without Disrupting the Connection
- What moves a child to attack: the primary role of frustration and attachment
- Three alternative outcomes to frustration that will keep a child from attacking
- The three impediments to futility sinking in
- How to keep a child`s aggression from disrupting the vital connection
- How to effectively address an aggression problem

Session 7: How to Deal with Resistance Without Sabotaging the Relationship
- Why some children are compelled to resist and oppose
- How counterwill is mistaken for willfulness
- Seven steps to counterwill-proof a relationship
- Defusing counterwill: nine ways to reduce pressure & coercion
- Reducing counterwill: harnessing the power of attachment

Session 8: How to Use Discipline that is Attachment-Safe and Developmentally Friendly: Seven Strategies for Imposing Order
- do all things in a context of connection
- impose order primarily through structure & ritual, not through bossing a child around
- aim to change a mind instead of behaviour
- draw out mixed feelings instead of demanding self-control
- aim for sadness when a child is up against futility
- take control through changing the circumstances, especially when unable to change the child
- script the actions of the immature to buy some time for the child to grow up